Discouragement

I'm not really sure what to post right now. Lots of emotions, and I want to be careful about how I express them. But I will just say my appointment with Dr. Norwood this morning was very discouraging. For the first time ever, we didn't have any lighthearted chit-chat. No levity at all, really. The doctor was very concerned that I am three days "over my due date" and yet I still don't have any signs of labor. In fact, the baby moved upward from last week (he's at minus 3 station). So, opposite of progress.

We talked about a number of options, and I don't want to get into the details, but the bottom line is that he is afraid I am going to have to have a C-section. Of course, this is the ONE THING that I want to avoid more than anything else, and it has been one of my biggest prayers -- that I will not have to have a C-section. In fact, I chose Dr. Norwood because his C-section rate is so low. But he's giving me the impression that it may be inevitable if nothing changes by this time next week, and he's not confident that it will change.

I asked all the right questions and appropriately objected, saying I will go as long as I can unless it's not safe for the baby. We're going in for a "biophysical profile" early next week to make sure there's still enough amniotic fluid and try to determine if there's a reason the baby hasn't dropped. From there I will have a better idea of how we're going to proceed.

In the meantime, I am asking all of you to pray that labor will start on its own. I'm not on board with the idea of an induction, either, though Dr. Norwood -- who prefers not to induce as well -- said that an induction at this point is almost a given. I will go for that if I absolutely have to, but C-section... it just breaks my heart thinking about it. So please, please... join me in praying that the baby will move downward like he should and that things will get kick-started into action.

I trust that the Sovereign God, Adonai Yahweh, can make labor start at any time. I also know that if it is a part of his plan, for some reason, that I have a C-section, that will come to pass. But I am asking in faith that he will allow me to have the kind of birth experience I have envisioned. Anything but a C-section. I'm grateful to have had a dream pregnancy to this point, but I am feeling really defeated right now after meeting with the doctor. So thank you in advance for lifting up this need.

"I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted." Job 42:2

"Only I can tell you the future before it even happens. Everything I plan will come to pass, for I do whatever I wish." Isaiah 46:10

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

"Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him." Isaiah 30:18

"Let your mercy, O Lord, be upon us, just as we hope in you." Psalm 33:22

Due Date!

 

 

 

I didn't actually see this movie and heard it was kind of "meh," but it seems appropriate for today! (Plus it's hard for me to believe that Zach Galifianakis could do any wrong. Have you SEEN "Between Two Ferns" ?!)

Notice the number in the "Baby Countdown" widget at the right? Zero days left! Happy Due Date!!!! Baby G must not have a calendar in there because with zero days left, there are zero signs of labor. I didn't expect there to be any, but I would be ELATED to feel a contraction today. Even just a false one. Something to tide me over... :)

As thrilling as I know it will be to welcome the Babe Gaultney into our lives, I am also cherishing these days of waiting. I am going to rip off an email I just sent to a friend to tell you what I mean:

[...] I am so EXCITED to meet him, but I'm just telling myself he's not technically "late" until August 8 (two weeks from now). Plus, this is such an amazing time to contemplate all of the joys and challenges ahead... I know that sounds cheesy, but really... What other time in LIFE am I going to have this kind of quiet time to ponder how God has blessed us, what kind of wife/friend/mother/sister/daughter I want to be... I'm not a very "contemplative" person by nature, so it has been cool to have a peace that allows me to think through those deep, spiritual questions. And I get a little giddy thinking that God knows Baby G's birthday already and we'll find out soon enough!

 

I really do mean that...  Yes, there are a few small things I'm kind of dreading. Namely, all of the well-meaning friends who may write things like, "When's that baby gonna get here?!" on my Facebook wall... and I also would like for the little guy to be born in July, which I believe is one of the most fabulous months. But really, that stuff doesn't matter in the long run.

That's not to say I'm not doing anything to encourage his arrival! I've amped up my exercise routine, walking a little further every day and spending some additional time on the exercise bike. I'm also using a Swiss ball instead of an office chair. And my doctor recommended that I start drinking a few cups of red raspberry leaf tea every day; it doesn't induce labor, but it does tone the muscles you'll need to use for delivery and may encourage the baby to ooch his way into position. These are just little changes to help things along, hopefully. 

 

I wrote way back when that Google is my frenemy... Such a great way to find info to help me in my pregnancy--what's okay to eat, what symptoms are normal, when you should call your doctor--but some of that info can be awfully scary. I made the mistake on Friday of Googling something like, "What happens if the baby doesn't drop," and the answer was -- dun dun dun -- C-section. I figure he's got to drop at some point though, right? And my doctor has a really low C-section and induction rate, so I think he'll work with me to allow the babe to come on his own time!

I promised you a bump pic today. Brad's gone and will be until later tonight, so here's an iPhone pic in the meantime. Forty weeks! Thank you, God, for bringing me to this point! 

Random Updates IV

Again with the random updates. None of these topics really warrants its own post, but I have much to share! (Scroll down for an appointment update from this morning, if you're interested.)

I.  Birthday

Tuesday was my birthday. I have always been very possessive of July 19... I LOVE birthdays -- mine and others' -- and I didn't want to share that day, even with my precious baby (I should say, I didn't want him to have to share it with me... right...)! So I was relieved when the day came and went with nary a sign of labor. It was a great day, centered mostly around food, which is just how I like it. Brad brought me breakfast in bed, then we braved the crowd and had In-N-Out Burger for lunch (one just opened in Dallas), and we went to our favorite sushi place in Deep Ellum for dinner. In between I worked, Brad and I took a walk, we visited Preston Center and window shopped, and generally just enjoyed spending time together. I got lots of calls, emails, texts, and Facebook messages, which made my whole day really special!

II.  Dream

So far I've been pretty lucky not to have insane pregnancy dreams or nightmares. I've had a small handful, including two dreams where I gave birth to a Treasure Troll. But the dream I had a few days ago takes the cake. First of all, I've had a few totally unreasonable pregnancy fears, like that our baby has really short (toothpick-sized) legs, since I can't feel him kicking in my ribs like I would expect. I also had a fleeting fear that the baby doesn't have ears, since I have never seen ears in his ultrasound videos or pictures and he doesn't really react to loud noises. And finally, I keep thinking, "What if it's not a boy we're having after all -- what if it's a girl?" because I haven't had an ultrasound since our gender reveal at 20 weeks, and they could have gotten it wrong.

That may explain why I dreamed that not only did I have the baby and it was a female, but she also had a full-grown woman's face and a Prince Valiant haircut like Anton Chigurh in No Country for Old Men. And she was talking to me and apologizing for not being a boy, like we expected. I was HORRIFIED in my dream and ripped out my IV and left the labor & delivery room. It's not like I don't WANT a girl, but we're "prepared" for a boy, so I woke up in a panic.

III.  Vanity

It's hard to look or feel beautiful at 39+ weeks pregnant. A few people have asked why I stopped doing "Bump Chronicles" posts after 35.5 weeks. Part of it, honestly, is that I packed up the camera and all its cords several weeks ago when I packed our hospital bag. But I also feel bad asking Brad to take the pictures (he hates doing that kind of thing -- totally not a historian), and whenever it's convenient (first thing in the morning or last thing at night), my hair is usually messed up and I'm not wearing makeup. I plan to take one on Monday though (due date).

Also, probably due to a combination of HEAT (more on that later) and hormones, I am fighting a vicious battle against acne. It's like the first trimester all over again! I'm washing my face at least three times a day and using copious amounts of benzoil peroxide to keep from being broken out like a 15-year-old when I meet my son. More than you wanted to know? You're welcome.

IV.  Activity Level

Mine and the baby's... I think I'm "over" the nesting thing. There were a couple of weeks there when the urge to tidy, organize and create was virtually uncontrollable, but now I'd rather go for a walk or read or watch a movie than spend an evening organizing and reorganizing the pantry. And that's probably healthy at this point.

The baby continues to move a LOT. One thing I can't figure out is this sort of slow flicking, clicking sensation I feel near his head. The best I can imagine is that he's grasping, like opening and closing his hands. It's SO weird to be able to sense those things. I am sure he's been making those movements for a while now, but I guess he's run out of room to the point that I can feel most everything.

V.  Heat

I mentioned recently that it bothers me when people make disparaging comments under the guise of being funny or wise, like when they tell me I'm never going to sleep again, so enjoy it now. A close runner-up in annoyance is the people who just seem to have such pity for me... strangers at church who will shake my hand, ask when I'm due, then say, "Ohhhh, I bet you're just MISSSSERABLE." Or, "Ohhh honey, to be nine months pregnant in this heat! I would not want to be you right now!" And again, I just think what I always think, which is that being pregnant -- and having a healthy, comfortable pregnancy -- is such a blessing and a privilege. I would not change a thing!
 
That said, I do thank God for air conditioning, as it seems we are having a doozy of a summer! I read this week that Dallas is experiencing its hottest summer since 1980, making it the second-hottest summer in 100 years! We're on our 20th or 21st consecutive day of 100+ degree temperatures, with the highest temperatures reaching 107 (that's actual heat, too -- not heat index). And get this -- my due date, July 25, is historically the HOTTEST day of the year in Dallas! Why do I get the feeling our baby is going to be a little firecracker?

Can't wait to meet him!

Baby's Still Cookin'!

Today's Thursday, which means I had another appointment this morning. Today is also the first day I can honestly say I feel nine months pregnant. After not sleeping well on Tuesday night, then not sleeping at all last night, I have a pretty gnarly headache and am feeling just really "meh." (And yes, this is probably some sort of cosmic payback for saying I don't require much sleep. I really don't require MUCH, but I would like SOME.)

Nevertheless, Dr. Norwood and I had a very nice visit, as we always do. We talked about birthdays (he's a July baby too!), weekend plans, Netflix, and other random stuff. Then I asked him to give me the scoop on the doctor who will be on call this weekend, just in case I go into labor. Dr. N insisted that I am not allowed to have the baby this weekend because he wants to deliver it. I want him to, too, but a girl's got to be prepared!

The heartbeat was strong and steady at 147 bpm. The doctor said Baby G sounds very healthy and comfortable in there. My belly size is measuring exactly on schedule. Then he felt for the head, and...

THE BABY STILL HAS NOT DROPPED! 

I want to make it very clear that I'm okay with this, but it is surprising. His head is still high -- I felt it and was able to push it upward. He said the baby is at "minus 2 station," which I think means he's about halfway to the cervix (see illustration above). So despite that last week the doctor didn't think I would go past my due date, now he guesses baby has about another week in there. Which, if accurate, would be EXACTLY what I have predicted since our first appointment with Dr. Norwood -- July 28. But we'll see. None of us has a crystal ball, of course! I'm still totally cool with letting the baby hang out for as long as he needs to until he is ready. I actually find it really motivating that the baby signals for labor to begin, not me; it's like we're working together. His little body will send a message to my body and then things will get going when the time is right! God is an amazing planner and designer!

Dr. N said that once the baby does drop, he would expect the onset of labor to happen pretty quickly for me, since everything else is progressing like he would want it to. But there's no telling when that will be.

In the meantime, I would like to try to sneak in a nap! I think I'll block off an hour on my calendar to try to snooze during lunch. Wish me luck!

Hardheaded Baby: The Final Chapter

First, an appointment update. Then, a little bit about why having a "hardheaded baby" may not be the worst thing in the world.

Dr. Norwood is so darn likeable. I actually enjoy talking to him. This morning we talked about art; he wanted my opinion on some paintings he hanged around the office. It was really flattering and also fun to put my master's degree to use like that!

My blood pressure was really good this week, so after last week's work-related blip, I was pretty relieved. Like I said previously, I'm content to wait as long as I have to for Baby G to be ready for his debut, but I was curious about when Dr. Norwood thought we might expect him. The baby's head was still pretty high at this appointment, which seemed to surprise the doctor. I was expecting him to tell me not to get to attached to 07/25, but toward the end of the appointment he said he gives me another week and a half or so -- which would be exactly 07/25! I expressed surprise, saying I thought I'd go late, and he said there's no reason for him to think I'll go past my due date. He said he usually tries to mentally and emotionally prepare his patients who are obviously way behind, and he's not worried about me. Guess we'll see what happens. I'm still not contracting at all and feeling very comfortable.

I asked Dr. Norwood to level with me: the last three appointments, he has said that the baby's head is exceptionally hard. So I asked him if that means it's going to be more difficult or painful to have the baby. He apologized for scaring me and said no, that the baby's head still hasn't "sutured up," so it will compress and be fine. He also said it may only seem harder because I don't have a lot of body fat compared to some of his other patients, so it's easier to feel the head.

Honestly, I have been a little scared about the head thing. That's why I was really blessed by last Sunday's message at our church, Watermark. Todd talked about when Ezekiel was first called to prophesy, and how God knew it was important that the prophet have a "hard head" in order to reach a "rebellious people":

"I will make your forehead like the hardest stone, harder than flint." (Ezekiel 3:9a, NIV)

Todd made the point that too many "Christians" don't have hard heads; they want to be gentle, loving, and accepting, which is key, but they scrimp on justice. They are afraid to say the things that hurt, even though they are true. Part of love is justice, and the most loving people will not relent for the sake of being "nice" or sparing feelings. They have to have hard heads but soft hearts.

It may sound silly, but I was really encouraged by that message, relating it to my own hardheaded spawn. I don't know what's in store for him, but I have been praying that he will come to know the Lord at an early age, and that he will accept the responsibility God chooses to lay on him. So for the first time, I started thinking about what a cool heritage that is: to be hardheaded from birth!

Random Updates III

Just a bunch of random stuff today!


I. Timing

Baby is due in two weeks, meaning he can come any old time he wants. I'd like for him to hold out until 39 weeks, minimum, since there's a lot of research showing rapid brain development between weeks 37 and 39. But I have a feeling he'll be coming closer to 40 or 41 weeks, and I'm 100% okay with that. It's funny... Part of me doesn't want to say I think he's coming late because I hate being wrong (haha), and if he's early, Brad "wins" (he's been convinced Baby G will arrive before July 25). But just going off the fact that I haven't had ANY contractions -- not even Braxton Hicks (besides those two around 30 weeks) -- and the baby hadn't dropped at the time of my last appointment, I just can't imagine him coming, you know, tomorrow or anything. I know things can change quickly. Regardless, it's probably better that I tell myself he's coming late so I don't make myself crazy or pin all my hopes on 07/25/11. 

II. Sleep and stuff

There are very few things that irk me about being pregnant, but I have to admit that I do get annoyed with the Negative Nellys. Mostly, I can't stand it when people make disparaging comments under the guise of being funny or wise. For example, if I say something like, "It felt so good to sleep late this morning!" it seems like anyone within earshot will say, "Enjoy it now, because you're not going to sleep again for the next 18 years!" 

I am probably going to jinx myself by saying this, but... I really don't sleep that much anyway. I haven't for most of my adult life. I haven't been fatigued during this pregnancy, I am not a napper (though I'm trying to become one), and most weeknights I get maybe five hours of rest. I wake up every night at least once or twice, pregnant or not (pregnant it's more like five times a night... seriously). And I get by. Granted, I imagine it's different when you are awoken by a crying baby and you have to be conscious enough to attend to his needs. Maybe I have no idea what I'm talking about. :)

III. Visual

Here are pictures of Dr. Norwood and Dr. McCants. This may officially put me in creepy-stalker territory, but these pics were posted on the Women's Health Alliance Facebook page, and I realized that my reading public (hi, Mom!) doesn't know what my prenatal caregivers look like! I, for one, always like a visual. So here you go.

IV. Leisure

I may be getting better at the whole "slowing down" thing. Partly because I'm just bigger and slower, partly because if I overdo it, I feel it in my ankle or something. As I think back to our activities this weekend, I realize it was probably a pretty good pace. We went to a birthday party and had dinner with a friend, got some things done around the house, watched Netflix (The Art of the Steal, SO GOOD), went to church, I spent some time in the kitchen (making mozzarella and bread!)... but I didn't try to run too many errands or clean behind the refrigerator or anything else that might win me the Super Nester award.  We have plans to see some friends this week for dinner, and Brad surprised me with Harry Pottery tickets for Friday! I am glad for the chance to have FUN right now and not feel the pressure of a big to-do list.

More soon, including a final (??), more positive post on the "hardheaded baby" phenomenon!

Keep Calm and Carry On

What a week it has been! Brad and I were talking yesterday about how for a short week, it sure feels long... like today should be Friday. It doesn't help that it's one of the busiest work weeks I've had in months. This was an especially stressful morning, so it didn't surprise me that my blood pressure was high at my doctor's appointment. I told them I feel fine, I just need to put my iPhone away for a while since work is blowing up.

Doctor was running way behind schedule, so my four-minute appointment took place more than an hour after it was supposed to. That probably didn't help with the stress level either, just because my phone was literally buzzing and dinging every 10 seconds while I was waiting.

Highlights from this appointment:

• Baby still has not dropped
• Doc told me that since I'm not having any contractions (not even Braxton Hicks), I'm probably not dilated (but he still won't check me for another week or two)
• He guessed that the baby is probably at 6 lbs right now. I was surprised and said that seems so small, and he said no, by the time 40 weeks rolls around he'll be at least 7.5 lbs and that I'm right on track.
• He reiterated how unusually hard the baby's head is and made me feel it (!!!!!!)

They took my BP again at the end of the (four-minute) appointment, and it was a little lower. Still on the high side, but I convinced them to let me go. Otherwise I would have had to lie down for a few minutes and they'd take it again. If I really believed it was worth being concerned about, I would have stayed. Baby is still rocking and rolling inside, so I feel okay about things.

In the meantime, I'm going to try to knock out some things at work and then take it easy the rest of the afternoon (if I can get away with it). And think happy thoughts and take deep breaths.

A Fourth to be Reckoned With

What a wonderful Fourth of July weekend! It started off strong and then fizzled into couch-dwelling by the time Monday rolled around. And to be honest, that was pretty much a perfect pace for me.

That nesting instinct is a powerful force, friends (hence the punny title of this post). As I mentioned recently, I have been going to town on errands and crossing things off my list. In fact, I've been so on top of things that I have run out of preparations to complete, and I found myself searching for projects on Saturday. I decided to wire lamps out of two $5 glass vases (vases from HomeGoods, lamp kit from Home Depot, shades from Target), then I did a little hand-painted, no-sew valance in the guest bathroom to coordinate with our towels and mats and cover up an unsightly metal bar at the top of the wooden blinds.

My lamp project. The other one looks just like this.

This lamp from Crate & Barrel kind of looks like my lamp, but costs $229!

Bathroom valance. I just used hemming tape and craft paint. It actually looks pretty good in person and finishes out the room.

We also bought a baby monitor (it's a good one!) and visited Cabela's, had brunch, went to the Dallas Farmer's Market, and ran a ton of random errands (grocery shopping and the like). I think sometimes I forget my nine-months-pregnant limitations, because on Saturday night Brad and I were getting ready to go for a walk, and I realized my ankle had really been hurting. Sure enough it was all swollen, and not just because of the heat and stuff. I think I tweaked it, or the relaxin hormone made my ligaments temporarily really crazy in one ankle.

So we went to church on Sunday and otherwise were pretty low-key, since I had developed a really attractive little limp. I was REALLY self conscious because I didn't want to be perceived as having a "pregnancy waddle." I baked and just did stuff around the house.

Monday our friends Abby and Zach came over in the morning... SO nice to visit with them. Brad and I were going to make mozzarella, but I didn't realize you needed a gallon of whole milk and I didn't feel like going to the grocery store again. So I made chicken tikka masala out of stuff I already had on hand. Interestingly, that's considered the unofficial national dish of Great Britain, and I made it on the day we celebrate our independence from them. :)

Not a whole lot of baby news in this post. He is moving A TON and really making me excited to meet him in a few weeks!